First off, I would like to start off by saying that i am really bored. Bored so much that i am listening to some Puffy and freaking with my chair that has wheels. It is pretty wicked.... n.e ways...recently i have been wondering if those love potion things really work....i am not saying that i would like to try them on n.e body or n.e thing...but i was just wondering.....well...it was really wack cause while i was pondering if and how to make a love potion and make it work, i came across an article in Inquest....it was known as the secrets of wizards... All i can say is that...MAGIC IS THE STUPIDEST THING IN THE WORLD...NONE OF IT MAKES SENSE....so why are we all fascinated by magic? It is gross and nasty...o wellos. n.e ways. have you ever looked on a cereal box and see the stupid little cartoon wizard with a little wand spraying gay little stars, seemingly saying...THIS CEREAL IS GAY!! eat me and i will give you some of my gay loving magic. Gosh, why are these pansy wizards portrayed when we can have michael jordan, hot babes, (sarah michelle gellar...YOU ARE MINE)!!. i think the image of the cereal should be. "eat me...and I'll take off my bra". I would sure like to eat her. i am pretty sure that would sell better than a pansy assed little wizard shooting his gay loving rays out at the world. Gosh...those stupid advertisers. N.e ways.... Magic is suppose to be about power......like me wanting to seduce people like a frog in a lake. Its not the stupid magic tricks where your parents pull a quarter from behind you ear. After a while, you are just like," dammit, just give me the quarter why don't you?" yep, some real magic there...some mad crazy magic there. Why do people do those lame tricks..that is like me trying to pull an elephant outta my butt. Now the real wizards, the people who are like da bomb, had like real powers dude. they were mad people with horrifying powers. wizards were said to be able to make armed men appear and make woman love them. In fact, there was this one wizard who was said to be talking to a demon and a kid came and the demon killed the kid. He was not able to prove that he could summon demons, so he used his ability to make armed men appear....after publicly cussing out the king. Damn that was one smart wizard. There was also this other wizard who believed he could get people to stop bothering him at will. what he did was when the person had a party, he made sure he was invited, and on there living room floor he took a huge ass shit. oddly...the people never bothered him again....wow!! what magic....that just makes me wanna have mad sex with wizards all night..... okays. Another wizard once conjured a demon in a desert while drunk. However, first he had to prepare his staff. To make this staff. you have to find a straight branch off an almond or hazel tree. cut it in the early dawn with a single stroke of a golden sickle (if you don't have a golden sickle...then you are screwed....throw away the mage books and go eat some poop), then run a magnetized needle, stick a prism at an end, and have it consecrared during a new moon by another wizard....ALL THIS WORK FOR A FREAKIN STICK!! for all i care they could shove it up their butt and haze each other....at least that way the stick might have some use. Now the reason i am tellin you all this....LOVE POTIONS... after reading this, i am pretty sure none of you would like to drink NE THING I EVER OFFER YOU...more whoppies to me. One spell is said to give control of n.e one to the mage. All you gotta do is write the full name of the victim on a piece of white paper, but it in a wide necked bottle, and piss on it. however, if you don't use a wide necked bottle...it would be pretty darn hard to aim....so well...okays. Another spell is to overcome a lover's reluctance, you present them with hamburger patties mixed with sweat and menustral fluid. maybe someday, i will treat all my peeps to some burgers...hahahaahah! Now a traditional love potion is to take some red wine, add rosemary, cloves, honey, bring the mix to a boil, simmer and stir while counting to a hundred, reheat it, and present it when sweet vapors come from the brew....I would like to try serving somebody with this...but they would probably ask why i am serving them stinky wine....and all i could say is that," I Love you baby and don't care how you smell." Sweet? I think so. the best spell is probably invisibility. The wizard is to fast for 15 days, following which he is suppose to get drunk every five nights with beer mixed with poppies and hemp (source of marijuana), and then when the time comes, smear his body with ointment made from human ashes and bat blood. Now if you get drunk after not eating for two weeks and smelling like a piece of poop, nobody would ever notice you, and you would probably feel like captain crunch or merlin all rolled into one bundle of love.

Now faced with this information, YOU THE READER!!! have a choice....do you believe in magic...or do you not believe. All though i would personally like to try these spells and potions( just to see if they really work) I am faced with the fact that if i get drunk after not eating for 15 days off marijuana beer and smell like shit...i would ultimatley have no friends. Maybe its cause i am invisble. I am also sure that if i served people pissed on hamburgers while grooving to puff daddy on the boom box, i would not be able to dance. I am also sure that if i spun in circles eight times and tried to throw olives at people, I would trip and fall. I am also sure that if a took a shit on someone's living room floor, I would probably slip and fall on it and or have no toliet paper in which to wipe it off with. Therefore, though as pleasing to the eye magic seems, I don't feel the urge to be a smelly druken bastard, eating pissy hamburgers, while rolling in my own shit. And if you like too...well. toodle loo hoo to you.